Yes, feelings absolutely change. It’s one of the hardest truths to accept in ourselves and others.

But, I only halfway agree with your other sentiment. I think we try to create all kinds of narratives to help us make sense of our lives and to validate our decisions, but I’d like to think people can only lie to themselves for so long. Not sure if it means I’m weak or strong, but I got to a point where I no longer could. It was as if my body wouldn’t let me.

I’m sure if I had stayed, I would be convincing myself the better life was in the comfort of the nice home we purchased together, with our tight-knit circle of friends/family, and with our big/safe salaries in the city. Really, this would have been the easier choice, and the one that would be easier to convince myself was better.

In fact, I actually spent a few years doing the above. Trying day in and day out to convince myself I was doing the right thing by staying because my ex was, after all, a really good man. He treated me well and we had a “good” life.

I got to a point where my anxiety and every cell in my being told me I was doing the wrong thing by staying. It felt like I was surrendering to some powerful force when I finally made the decision to leave. I don’t think I could have possibly written anything (and actually I wouldn’t be writing anything at all), that would have been convincing to anyone about my decision to stay, despite my unhappiness.