Roy! I may have clicked on your profile and read the article about the struggles with you and your wife. From the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry for the pain you experienced. I know that couldn’t have been easy.

I hope you take something away from this, and that it isn’t that women don’t appreciate good men. It actually has nothing at all to do with whether a man is good or not and everything to do with communication and truth-searching. Did your wife ever voice that she was unhappy? Did she talk about unfulfilled dreams or desires? If she didn’t, that’s on her. But, if she did, then it’s on you, too.

A few thoughts after reading your article: It does sound like you’re more of a romantic than a realist and sometimes romantics think about the ideas of things (the kids are going to leave and we’re going to travel and have lots of sex!) vs. the reality of the situation (she wanted to do all of the above years ago). people don’t cheat to hurt someone, they cheat because they’re missing something and start taking cheap shots to get their needs met. Yes, cheating is shitty and frivolous and irresponsible, but after it happens, you have two choices: stay and do the really hard work to fix it, or leave. And, you don’t fix it by making romantic gestures. You fix it by searching for the truth. Figure out what in the hell she wants and then decide if you’re up for sticking it out to meet her needs.

If not, move on. But don’t root your next relationship in being nice and making romantic gestures. Root it in truth and honesty.