Hey Brian! My ex and I both wrote our own personal vows for our ceremony. The vows I wrote absolutely held weight for me — I’d argue they were a large contributor to me potentially not leaving sooner. As you may have picked up from the article, I grew up in a fairly conservative family and took marriage and all that came with it very seriously.

I had two realizations prior to leaving that granted me permission to override the vows I made to my ex:

1. I made the promise at 24 and grew into a person very different than the girl who originally wrote and declared the vows. I think it’s okay to break promises with other people if it means we can keep the promises we make to ourselves. We are humans who grow and evolve, and if we outgrow something in our life, we have the prerogative to break an old promise. Promises shouldn’t hold you captive.
2. My primary promise was to love my husband. I’d argue I still do in some way, although it’s evolved into something closer to a brotherly love. We talk regularly (we have a dog together), and I still encourage him to do things that any loving person would. The best way I could love my husband in that moment was to let him go. I was no longer a good partner because I was resentful from breaking so many promises to myself — promises I couldn’t fulfill within the confines of my relationship. I wrote this in my article, but staying with him no longer felt loving, it felt more like a betrayal.

Hope this is helpful!