A Foreword: How Young Divorce Changed my Life
My story is a common one. But, common stories are so often untold. They’re taboo and often controversial to talk about, but sharing is what moves us forward. It’s what removes the artificial prison bars so many of us live behind and lights up a path many forgot existed. Sharing the depths of my story has always felt like a precarious display of my heart, but, by exposing small glimpses of my reality, I realized its importance. When I started to insinuate my life had changed on social media, people reached out. A surprising number, at that. It made me realize the power in sharing. How, as humans, we need to hear narratives that differ from the ones we’re told as children, to validate that a less-common path is still a happy path. That’s why, on top of everything else I’m trying to start, I’m starting to write.
My story begins with relationships. Relationships have always been the center of my world, but in some sense I didn’t realize it. They were just there. I didn’t understand that every person I came into contact with not only became a part of my story, but a part of me. That their words, sayings, and opinions became a contributor to my own — a true souvenir of their existence. That even when the relationship was gone, their personal idioms would stay, and an even bigger part of me would leave with them.
Romantic or otherwise, big relationships are often the beginning and end of everything, and when they end is when a new version of you starts. You become a blank slate — a hole in the ground — ready for a new foundation.
Almost exactly a year ago, the biggest relationship of my life and my marriage came to a screeching halt. I had the life my 22 year-old self wanted. A truly stand-up husband, a house, a cute dog, and incredible friends; yet, something always felt off. It took me the better part of a year to figure out why that relationship was doomed to fail, why I felt the need to leave so abruptly, and why my life was going in a direction that would have never brought me true happiness.
I dedicated the last 365 days to starting over — to figuring out what my new foundation should even look like. The only way for me to rebuild was to make it my after-work hobby. To dedicate as much energy to it as possible. It sounds strange to voluntarily rebuild a life that was ‘good’, but for me it was necessary. I went to hours upon hours of therapy, I journaled enough to publish a book, I traveled solo … you name it, I probably did it last year. And I learned a lot about what I wanted. So, I did what any newly enlightened person does and sold my house, quit my job, and headed out into the world to start a business.
That’s what this series is about. The in-between parts of this story and the story that’s currently unfolding. What it’s really like to get divorced in your 20’s (especially when you really like the person you left), why I made the hard decisions I made, how questioning everything I believed transformed my life, and what starting a new business actually looks like. I still have more questions than answers, but I like talking about this stuff, and I hope you do too.
